Chat with the "Dear Pastor"
Transcript of chat session held on January 29, 2001 with Rev. Aaron Dumas.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:42:03 PM)
Why do women go for older men?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:42:03 PM)
Older men are more loving and take care of their women much better than the younger men and what they lack physically they make up with their presence .

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:43:16 PM)
Should I beat my woman?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:43:16 PM)
By no means. Real men don't beat women.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:44:02 PM)
i'm away from my man friend, but of late we have not being talking or writing much and i get the feeling that he might be with someone else . what you think i should do
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:44:02 PM)
Remain quiet because you have no proof that he is having an affair.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:45:09 PM)
PASTOR ME WAN LEF ME HUSBAND HIM TREAT ME BAD
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:45:09 PM)
If he is abusive you should seek professional help before making a decision.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:46:16 PM)
My mom works to hard she has about 3 or 4 jobs and I want her to stop what should I DO?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:46:16 PM)
I am not sure you are in a position to support your mother. How would your mother get support if she stop what she is doing.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:47:39 PM)
dear pastor i am a 21 year old gentle men who wanted to settle down but as soon i meet a woman i can't get the relationship going they always leaving me somtimes i feel that i am too loving for het .what sud i do
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:47:39 PM)
If you know you are not loving, then you should seek help. Perhaps you believe that to be rough is to show that you are a man. Women never run from good men.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:48:23 PM)
Do you think Oral Sex is wrong pastor....? lost of jamaica people think so...?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:48:24 PM)
What a couple does i n their bedroom is not my business. It is not a question of right or wrong it is preference.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:48:50 PM)
Pastor, some of your response make no sense how can you advise people to remain with cheaters
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:48:50 PM)
Because marriage is sacred, and there is always place for forgiveness.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:49:32 PM)
Pastor,,, The woman dem refuse to give me a chance.... should try men?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:49:32 PM)
If you are tempted to go to your own sex, it means that you are showing depravity. People of the same sex should never make love.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:50:03 PM)
What advise do you have for the men who sit in the chatrooms all day and ignore their family at home.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:50:03 PM)
Well, they are addicted and whenever they are addicted, they should seek professional help.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:51:06 PM)
what about what two men or two women do, ist that your business or society's business
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:51:06 PM)
I dont know if you are talking about swopping, if you are you can pass on venereal disease and you open up yourself to all sort of emotional problems later on.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:52:02 PM)
DEAR PASTER, I HAVE TWO CHILDREN WITH A WOMAN BUT I HAVE NO DOUBT I AM IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS PERSON FOR ONE YEAR NOW. I STAY WITH MY BABY'S MOTHER ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DIS HER. THIS OTHER GIRL MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IN EVERY AREA, ONLY THAT MY BABY'S MOTHER IS MORE EDUCATED, THATS ALL. WHAT TO DO
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:52:02 PM)
The truth is you are a user. You would not want any one to do that to your mother or sister. Decide in your own mind which women you prefer. Do not fool them both.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:53:08 PM)
Do you eat meat Pastor or do you fast like i do? I am totally vegan.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:53:09 PM)
I am not a vegetarian and I dont understand when you say you fast because you cant fast all the time. You will be skin and bone.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:54:12 PM)
pastor i was abondon my mother along with my siblings, i didnt meet her untill i was in my late teen, my dad took care of us and we all turned out pretty decent, my question is should i feel bad knowing that am in a position where i can heilp her to migrate and choose nit to do so am i been a bad person
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:54:12 PM)
You should help your mother. Forgive her for neglecting you while you were young. You can never change the fact that she is your mother.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:54:52 PM)
Pastor, what do you have to say about long distance relationships...the woman is living abroad and the man is living in jamaica or vice versa. How can we trust that the one in jamaica is not trying to use the other to get to a foreign country for "opportunities abroad" even when they say they are in love?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:54:52 PM)
I dont encourage long distance relationship. Somebody is likely to get 'bun'

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:56:09 PM)
true pastor, but what if the person cheats constantly and is abusive, shouldn't that be grounds to get a divorce....God has made us all to be happy and surely you can't find happiness in an abusive relationship whether it be mentally or physically
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:56:09 PM)
I dont support a woman staying with a man who constantly abuses her, however she should seek professional counselling before she makes the final decision. With help a man can change his behaviour.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:57:07 PM)
dear pastor my husband has a bad temper and he get up set easily. and the least i say or do he get up set and hit me. and call me name. and i have to every thing he tell me to do.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:57:07 PM)
You are a slave. And slavery was officially abolished. Walk out on him and leave him on the floor. Obtain an injunction against him.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:58:58 PM)
Pastor i am a born again christian but I find my self being attracted to other women just like men . What is wrong? i have been battling with my sexuality for years. I have never slept with a woman before. I am still a virgin
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:58:58 PM)
You have not said that you have ever gotten involved, but clearly you have a problem. Therefore you should seek the help of a psychologist. As a christian you should know that lesbianism is condemned in scriptures.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 6:59:51 PM)
dear pastor i'am an american and i'am married to a jamacian, i'am 33 he's 37, any way the question is he likes to talk to women, he claims it's a sistren and brothern type thing i'am i wrong for being negative and always accusing him of cheating
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 6:59:51 PM)
No he may not be cheating. Never accuse your man if you dont have proof.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:00:34 PM)
what should u do if u feel that your husband is cheating on u?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:00:34 PM)
When you dont have any proof be silent. Dont set any trap because you will create unhappiness in the home.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:02:34 PM)
THEY KNOW ABOUT EACH OTHER. I WILL MARRY THIS PERSON BUT I DONT THINK I WIIL MARRY MY BABY'S MOTHER. ITREAT MY KIDS VERY WELL THOUGH, I THINK THAT IS THE REASON MY BABY'S MOTHER STAY WITH ME. I DONT THINK SHE IS ENJOYING THE RELATIONSHIP.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:02:34 PM)
What about you? You have not said there is solid proof that she does not love him. Why do you have two women? Whatever you do take care of your children.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:03:03 PM)
Dear Pastor, whats the best prescription for Yeast Infection?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:03:03 PM)
I am a doctor of psychology.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:03:56 PM)
HI PASOTR I LIKE TO KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE WORLD THATS GOING ON
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:03:56 PM)
This is a beautiful world God is in control. People do wrong things because God has given us free will. We are not robots. We can choose what is good or what is bad.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:04:29 PM)
i find that i keep saying i dont want to be single but each time a nice, educated, well bread brother approach me pastor i run y is this?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:04:29 PM)
Because you are not using good common sense. Why run from a good man?

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:05:10 PM)
Should Violent Films be blamed for the crimes in society?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:05:10 PM)
No. But violent films should be restricted to adults only.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:05:38 PM)
if love is so nice why it hurt so bad when 2 people mash up?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:05:38 PM)
That's because it is so lovely. When someone you loves leaves you, it really hurts.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:05 PM)
Pastor what is your age?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:05 PM)
ah! ah! ah!

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:26 PM)
ARE U MARRIED PASTOR
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:26 PM)
Yes, I am happily married.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:47 PM)
HAVE U EVEN CHEATED OR THINK OF CHEATING
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:06:47 PM)
No, I have not thought of cheating.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:07:43 PM)
WHAT DID U DO BEFORE U WEREA PASTOR
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:07:44 PM)
I use to be in volved in trade union work and ford company before becoming a pastor. I have been in the ministry over 30 years.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:08:03 PM)
dear, pastor i need a man can you help me.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:08:03 PM)
Send me a letter and if I have space I will published it.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:08:43 PM)
pastor i have a problem and it is i have been with my little girl mom and we have a child togher and the child in now 16 and i send my little girl to jamaica and she bring her to this guy and tell her he is her father
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:08:43 PM)
Maybe the man is indeed the father of the child.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:09:28 PM)
Paster if you have all the proof in the world and he keep on cheating with various different women, isnt that enough reason to leave?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:09:28 PM)
Well that is enough grounds if you have proof. But dont accuse him if you do not have solid proof.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:10:31 PM)
pastor i find that i hit a man if he ticks me off, what can i do as to stop being mean
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:10:31 PM)
Oh you have to learn to control your temper. When you hit, he is liekly to hit you harder and you may end up in the hospital.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:11:35 PM)
WHICH WAY DO U THING IS THE BEST TO END A 3YRS RELATIONSHIP WITH OUT ANY ONE BEEN TOO? HURT
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:11:35 PM)
Well, there must be mutual agreement. Talk things over and come to a decision. Very few relationships end without a spouse feeling hurt and disappointed.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:12:00 PM)
Why do jamaican men fear commitmnet?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:12:01 PM)
Commitment carries responsibility and so many men dont like responsibility.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:13:21 PM)
when i started talking to my husband he was living with his baby mother,but i didn't know that at the time now that i am married to him ,do u think that he will cheat on me too?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:13:21 PM)
Cheaters hardly change. Unless they have experienced a spiritual conversion. You knew he was cheating with you on his baby mother. No wonder you are fretting.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:14:37 PM)
PAstor what must a man look for in a woman if he seeks true love.......I always look at the physical
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:14:37 PM)
Some folks talk about love at first sight, but truly one has sto grow in love. As one gets to know a woman, he learns to appreciate her qualities and that time he fall head over heel with her.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:15:11 PM)
Pastor i'm married and i can't seem to stop cheating on my wife help me
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:15:11 PM)
You need therapy. See a psychologist.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:15:39 PM)
did u have premarital sex, pastor, be honest
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:15:39 PM)
No but it is none of your business.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:16:33 PM)
PASTOR WHY DO MEN CALL WOMAN WHORE IF THERE NOSEX.JUST TALKING
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:16:33 PM)
It is never right to call a woman a whore, it is gross disrespect.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:17:00 PM)
Pastor what made you become a pastor?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:17:00 PM)
I felt that I had a divine call from God.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:17:16 PM)
pastor what award have u gotten from doing this good piece of jouranlism over the years
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:17:16 PM)
Bwoy, ask the Gleaner.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:18:16 PM)
DEAR PASTOR, ARE THE STORIES TRUE THAT ARE PUBLISHED IN YOUR COLUMN
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:18:16 PM)
Yes, they are true. Just think about the questions I am being asked now.
ANXIOUS (ID=12085) (Jan 29, 2002 7:18:44 PM)

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:19:57 PM)
Dear Pastor, having sex with my husband is a very pleasant experience; however, I find that these pleasurable moments are enhanced when I think of other men during intercourse... am I violating my vows first the ones I made to God, second, the ones I made to him... or is this just a normal process of relationship... thanks much for your feedback..

Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:19:57 PM)
Although you are enjoying your sexual relationship with your husband , you are indeed comitting sin by thinking about other men. You need help. Jesus said, that a person who looks upon another with a lustful desire has already committed sin in his heart.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:21:18 PM)
I seem to be drawn to guys who are younger than me....do u think there is a problem with a older woman being with a younger guy?

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:21:18 PM)
Over the years I have observed that older women getting married to younger men. However they should bear in mind that as they advance in years, and the younger men become more mature, they are likely to leave them to seek women who are in their age bracket.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:22:08 PM)
Pastor, what is your favorite sport and team?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:22:08 PM)
Well, I love cricket and of course, to be patriotic it must be the West Indies and beside them , Australia.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:23:20 PM)
the gleaner has a gay room here, do u think they should be condoning this nastiness
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:23:20 PM)
I reserve my opinion.

Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:23:53 PM)
Pastor, What is your take on Promiscuity?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:23:53 PM)
I have never encouraged that. You have to have some standards.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:24:50 PM)
Pastor if you ever remember any letter that anybody sent you? Which one will it be
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:24:50 PM)
Oh boy, I have had some letters which I cherish because of the help I have been able to give the writers, but I prefer not to divulge the contents of the letters. I am sworn to secrecy.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:26:47 PM)
PASTOR WHAT YU THINK ABOUT SOME OF THE SAME WOMAN ..THATS HERE NOW ASKING YOU QUESTION..ABOUT THERE MAN..OR HUSBAND.. AND WHEN THEY IN THE CHAT ROOM THEY SAY THEIR SINGLE.. AND WANT YOU PHONE NUMBER...FI CALL. MAN HOUSE.. AND THEM HAVE MAN..
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:26:47 PM)
One should always speak truth about their marital status. They will be found out any way if they lie. Only women who are unhappy at home would do what you accuse them of doing.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:28:10 PM)
I dont think is the older woman who are attracted to younger man at first, it's todays generation of younger men that search older woman.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:28:10 PM)
Well there are younger men who search out older women, because they are searching for security. Older women may have their own home, car and can even purchase a car for a younger man. Some older women love to profile with younger men.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:29:17 PM)
Dear pastor, i met a guy a year ago but i just start to talk to him this year. I beleive he have someone else because where he say he live he don't stay there. He started he sleep at his sister sometime. He won't tell me where is sister live and he never bring me there. what should I do.
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:29:17 PM)
He definitely have another woman or perhaps more that one. You should end the relationship.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:30:25 PM)
dear pastor my husband is jam and i'am amer do u think there is a conflict as far as background
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:30:25 PM)
Could be, but there is nothing that you cannot learn to adjust. If one is from a different country you would have cultural differences, but these things can be worked out.
american (ID=12295) (Jan 29, 2002 7:30:48 PM)

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:33:03 PM)
Hi Pastor, great to have u here... When I was 15 I met a pastor who I adored as a man of God... guess what? he has been trying to get me into his bed for years... he oftens commends me on my ability to remain pure (back then).. I met up with him the other day.. things have not chaged... how common is this in the church of God..
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:33:03 PM)
Well, I am afraid that these things do happen from time to time. Satan does not only tempt members of the congregation, but also members of the clergy and sad to say, some members of the clergy have fallen. On the other hand some women do pursue pastors because they love to associate with them.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:34:41 PM)
pastor, is gay a demonic spirit or something inherited?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:34:41 PM)
Homosexuality is an abnormality and most studies have shown that it is something learnt. However, one cannot rule out that there may be occasions when persons have born with some sort of imbalance.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:36:45 PM)
My husband is always out at the bar…with friends…never me?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:36:45 PM)
At least you know where to find him. If he is only having games with the boys, you need not fear. He ought to be told however, that he should spend prime time with you.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:38:07 PM)
pastor are people like ms. cleo demonic?
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:38:07 PM)
I am not prepared to attack Ms. Cleo. However, those who wish to spend their money in such a foolish way would regret what they have done when they get older and need the money.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:39:29 PM)
PASTOR,THE PRESENT SITUATION IN JA..DO U THINK ITS CAUSED BY THE POLITIANS OR BY THE PEOPLE THEMSELF
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:39:30 PM)
Some of the conditions were created by politicians and their policies. But no political party is perfect, no government is perfect. The people have the power and when the time comes they should exercise their right to vote for the party of their choice.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:39:46 PM)
pator how much money dem pay u
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:39:46 PM)
That's none of your business.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:40:05 PM)
Pastor what do u think about the Men who went to the Reada woman on Moutain View Rd and get shot
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:40:06 PM)
They were misled.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:41:15 PM)
Pastor, how can you say homosexuality is an abnormality yet say it is something learned? An abnormality is an imbalance, please dont confuse the people
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:41:15 PM)
You are confused. It is not natural for two people of the same sex to go together. Such persons would have to have warped mind. The Bible says it is an abomination to God.

Question (Jan 29, 2002 7:42:20 PM)
when my husband is at the bar he tell me i must call him first to let him know i'am coming don't just pop up because he feels like i'am watching him, i did peep in on him one time and somone must have told him does that mean he's always in women face in the bar, sometimes he invites me there everyone knows i'am his wife
Answer (Jan 29, 2002 7:42:20 PM)
Men dont like their woman to show up in bar or visit them in certain places. Tell you what buy your husband a cellular.

Pastor (Jan 29, 2002 7:43:55 PM)
I want to thank you for your questions, some of them were very personal , but as usual I do not shy away from questions. Continue to read the column and send your email via the star's web site at www. jamaica-star.com. Until next time, God watch over you.

NB: The transcript is presented as is and includes grammatical and spelling errors.