Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:33:14 PM)
I am 28 years old and very much in love with a young woman who is 12 years younger than I am. My parents have advised me against the relationship, but we are planning to getting married when she is out of high school next year. Should we just elope and forget my parents or should I try to involve my parents in our wedding plans?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:33:15 PM)
Your parents are not always wrong, so you should not ignore them. The young lady is young and by the time she is out of high school you will be much older so you should give her time to grow up and to pursue a good education. Don't encourage her to get married.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:34:57 PM)
What are your views on homosexuality?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:34:58 PM)
Homosexuality is abnormal behavior. It is something learned that is what most studies have shown. However, homosexuals should not be discriminated against. Many of them would like to change but as far as I understand it would take a real transformation to do so.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:36:58 PM)
I am uncertain if you are a trained psychologist or psychiatrist. I read the responses to your last on-line chat. I note your response about homosexuality is very degrading and debasing. In all modern countries, the psychology of homosexuality is not classified in any way as "abnormal, warped, imbalance or confusing." Who gave you the right to cast judgment on any life that God has created? Further, why not stick to being professional instead of being petty and self-aggrandizing.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:36:58 PM)
Too bad that you do not recognize by your response you are being petty and judgmental. I am a psychologist I do not past judgement on anyone but I do have the right to say that homosexuality is abnormal behavior. the bible say it is and you cannot change that. You may disagree with me that is your right.

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:38:09 PM)
The bible tells us that in the last days people will be marrying and giving in marriage...Are we living in the last days?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:38:09 PM)
The bible describes the last days as the period from the resurrection of Jesus Christ and to present. If we are to accept that then we are in the last days.

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:39:24 PM)
Dear pastor they only put your column in every other day online. How do I go about getting it everyday?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:39:24 PM)
The column appears three times per week. I means it is published three times a week in the newspaper. if you would like to have more of the Tell Me Pastor column, you should speak to the editor.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:41:58 PM)
I am gay. My Minister of Religion and another Deacon in our church who are both married are bisexuals. I know them both in the biblical sense. My Minister preaches against homosexuality in church with a strong vigor. I am thinking about standing up in church and testifying against him. I think the Lord is calling me to do this. Should I do the work of God or should I leave the Minister and Deacons to their evil ways?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:41:58 PM)
Are you sure that the minister and the deacon of your Church are bisexual? If you have the facts the ethical thing to do is to approach them personally and have them explain to you why is it they are involved in such practice before you take that action be absolutely certain that you know what you are talking about. I mean you must have proof and not hear say.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:44:16 PM)
Pastor I don't really have a problem I just came by to say hello and to let you know I remember you from my little Baptist church in Clarendon during Pastor Knights time. My the Creator continue his blessings on you
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:44:16 PM)
I thank you so very much I cherish the days I spent in that little Church in Clarendon. There were two small Churches and one was in Anderson Town and the other in Aeanon Town. I am suppose you are referring to the one in Anderson Town. I hope you are doing well. God bless you.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:47:04 PM)
I am 26 years old when i was 13 i fell in love with a girl. we never did anything about it i am now married with a child and i am now having feeling for another girl i need help.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:47:04 PM)
I suggest that you make an appointment to see a psychologist and have him or her help you to understand why you are having feeling for a woman. He or she will go back into your background and help you to understand yourself. Please seek help early and try not to get involve or to yield to your feelings to make love with a person of your own sex.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:49:10 PM)
IM A 23 YEAR OLD SINGLE FEMALE. EVER SINCE I BROKE UP WITH MY DAUGHTER'S DAD IT SEEMS SO HARD FOR ME TO FALL INLOVE, ANY ADVICE
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:49:10 PM)
Yes, I believe I can help you. I want you to know that it will take a while to get over your daughter's father but time will heal the pain you have suffered and you will fall in love again. Don't rush into a new relationship it may take years before your heart is completely healed.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:53:03 PM)
Pastor in light of he recent sex abuse scandals within the Catholic church. Don't you criminal background checks should now become mandatory for anyone wanting to join the priesthood. Thank you.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:53:03 PM)
It is unfortunate what is happened in the Catholic Church. However, I want you to know that seminaries and bible colleges do try to get character references on applicants before they are allowed to enter the institutions. And after graduation denominations do background checks and young candidates for the nation must meet with a counsel etc., and answer questions before he or she is ordained. However, temptation is always knocking at the door of every man including ministers of religion and it unfortunate that many fall. May God help those that have fallen and may he restore them.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:54:15 PM)
I'm interested in a man but I'm not sure he is interested in me? How should I proceed without embarrassing myself
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:54:15 PM)
Ask him. Don't be afraid to question him whether or not he is interested in you. If he is not you have lost nothing.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:55:45 PM)
I think Satan has a plan to break up marriages. How can we stop him?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:55:45 PM)
Take time to have devotions with your husband. Both of you should also spend more times discussing your problems. Remember communication is the key to a happy relationship. You can always seek professional help.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:59:36 PM)
Why are we Jamaicans so violent towards gay men ..in particular?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 7:59:36 PM)
So people are intolerant towards gays because they have been accused of molesting young boys and they have also been accused of trying to have new lovers to the disgust of heterosexuals. No one should physically try to hurt homosexuals, but homosexuals must understand that they should keep their life style to themselves and not to condemn those who consider their behavior abominable.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:03:26 PM)
I WAS SEEIN SOMEONE FOR A FEW MNTHS BUT THE FIRST DAY I ASK IF HE WAS SEEING ANYONE HE SAID NO, THEN THE NEXT DAY HE ADMIT IT, BUT THE GIRL DOES NOT LIVE NEARBY US SHE LIVES QUITE A BIT AWAY, BUT I WANTED SOME ADVICE TO WHETHER TO STAY WITH HIM OR NOT AS HE SAYS SHE IS FAR DONT LET HER BOTHER ME, AS SHE IS FAR AND HE SAYS ITS ME HE WANTS TO BE WITH, BUT HE SAYS THAT IF HE FINISHES WITH HER AND THEN WE HAVE AN ARGUMENT ETC AND I FINISH WITH HIM THEN HE SAYS HE WONT HAVE ANYONE...HE TOLD HER ON THE PHONE THAT HE FINISH WITH HER BUT SHE KEEPS CALLIN HIM AND HE DOES NOT SEEM TO GET REAL SERIOUS WITH HER AND LET HER KNOW HE IS FOR REAL SO I DONT KNOW IF THEY PLANNED IT TO SAY THAT SHE WOULD AGREE TO SAY THEY FINISHED AS SHE STILL CALLS REGULAR...HE IS A JAMAICAN AND IM BRIT/JA..SO HE MIGHT BE LOOKIN AT IT THAT I CAN DO MORE FOR HIM THAN SHE CAN...PERTAINING TO HELP HIM STAY IN THE COUNTRY AND SO FORTH....HE SAYS HE LUVS ME BUT I JUST WANTED AN OUTSIDE OPIONION ON THIS?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:03:26 PM)
It is difficult to know whether this man is speaking the truth concerning the relationship he is having with this girl. Bare in mind at all times many men are liars and the man in particular may indeed using you to remain in Britain. Give him a long rope and he will hang himself.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:05:29 PM)
The absence of Fathers from homes is in a big way responsible for the disintegrating homes that we have now....wouldn't you say?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:05:29 PM)
Yes, on the other hand single mothers have done a great job in raising their children and many of these children have made contribution to society. In Jamaica men seem to be coming more responsible these days. Many of them take great delight in supporting their children. He have far to go but we have come a long way.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:07:38 PM)
Pastor are you saying for heterosexuals not to be violent towards gays, they must seclude them self from the population
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:07:38 PM)
You cannot stop a bird from flying over your head but you can stop the bird from making the nest on your head. You can work with people who are homosexuals but you do not have to share in their lifestyle.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:09:24 PM)
i met a man 3 months ago he seem to be very positive of what he wants to do in life, he is talking about marrying me someday but i am scared, and I don't know how to approach the situation. i was in a marriage before and which ended in a divorce. Can you advise me on how to deal with this situation.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:09:24 PM)
Three months is too soon to determine whether or not not you should marry this man. Some men can walk softly as a pussy cat and they can do it for a long time. So you ought to be careful and give this relationship time to grow or disintegrate.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:12:44 PM)
Dear Pastor, I need to find a man. I'm 56 almost 57, in my old age, where should I start? I was previously dating and had gotten pregnant at 16..now I don't know what to do… please help.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:12:44 PM)
At 56 you are not old. You are just ready. You have experience and it should not be easy for a man to fool you. However, loneliness can cause a woman or man to do foolish things so be very careful. If you are not sure of yourself you should ask you minister for help. I tell you what write me a letter and when I have space I will publish it and you will have many men knocking at your door. Take my word for it , it works all the time.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:16:26 PM)
PASTOR, I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY HUSBAND FOR 2 YEARS NOW, I FILED FOR HIM AND HE IS NOW IN THE US, AFTER 1 MONTH HE LEFT AND CALLS OCASIOANALLY SHUD I GIVE UP ON THIS MARRIAGE
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:16:26 PM)
Your husband is definitely not interested in the marriage. I don't know why he has left you. You try to get him to go with you for counselling, I don't he will agree to go but at least it worth a try. If after a while he does not return home you should divorce him you deserve to be happy. Love yourself first.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:18:42 PM)
dear pastor, greetings what would one do when 2 people are in love with each other ..but they are not in the same country.. one is a gov't operative Agent) and the other is a Ph.D...in pediatric study...the problem is both people cannot seem to adjust their schedule to suit each other...and that creates certain problems...The question is should this relationship be terminated.. or do we keep on trying to make it work.. it has become somewhat of a strain...and there is much secrecy on one end that the other partner cannot be told for security reasons of course...any suggestions will be taken into consideration...god bless you.. keep up the good work..
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:18:42 PM)
Somebody is lying. This not love. Love makes sacrifices. So tell me the truth who is lying I don't care about the Ph.D. if the man is in love with the woman and the woman in love with the man they will forget their selfish behavior and settle down.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:20:41 PM)
I am having a serious problem. I can't seem to choose between the two guys I am dating. Where one falls short the other is strong. I think I love them both. Can you advise me on how to choose?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:20:41 PM)
You don't love them equally. You love one more than the other therefore it for you to determine which one of these guys you love more. By the way no man has everything and cannot meet every need appropriately. Everyone has his limitation.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:24:25 PM)
I have been married for 12 years and my husband was incarcerated over a year ago, I just found out that he has been cheating on me for over 5 years and have a child by this woman, he has claim that he has found God in jail and wants me to wait on him not knowing if he is going to leave me for her when he comes out in 5 years. Helpppppppppp.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:24:25 PM)
This is question of the heart. You have to do what is right. It would be wrong for me to tell you not to wait on your husband. You do have a big concern. Would he indeed come back to you or go with the other woman. Is he truly converted? Perhaps you may discuss this problem with his Chaplain in prison. The Chaplain will be able to tell you if he has changed. My prayers are with you it is hard decision to make.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:26:42 PM)
WHEN WILL CHRISTIANS STOP USING GOD AS A VEHICLE THROUGH WHICH TO DESCRIMINATE AGAINST GAYS AND LESBIANS.CAN'T THE WORD OF GOD BE USED IN A MORE PROACTIVE WAY TO STOP THE DECADENCE IN THE JAMAICAN SOCIETY
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:26:42 PM)
If you are gay you are not helping your cause by attacking Christians. Christians accept and use the bible as their guide. The bible condemns homosexuality. Christians are to love homosexuals but they should not make the homosexual feel that their behavior is normal and acceptable.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:29:37 PM)
Pastor, I am a Jamaican living overseas and was in Jamaica recently. I notice that the Jamaican population now has this fad where older men are dating openly and sending young girls their daughter's age to school for the price of sex. How does the church address these happenings without pointing fingers, since almost every other older man is guilty of the same.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:29:37 PM)
I don't where you have gotten your information from. Older men who are men of means have always assisted young girls in pursuing their careers or sending them to school. That has never been a secret in Jamaica. In fact many mothers are well aware that older men are giving their girls lunch money, buying their books etc. So it is nothing new. It is wrong for you, however, to say that every other man is guilty of this practice.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:30:13 PM)
Do you think That God wants Priest to abstain from sex seeing that catholic priest cannot marry
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:30:14 PM)
That is for the Catholic Church to settle. I am a Baptist.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:32:10 PM)
What is a good age to get married at?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:32:10 PM)
Studies have shown that men do better in marriage when they are 26 and over. Remember that women mature much faster than men and when guys get married very young they expect their wives to treat them as babies. There is always exception to the rule. Some guys marry young and have done well.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:35:50 PM)
to Sister Locks...Satan really has no plan against marriages I just think that marriages nowadays are built on conveniences, green card marriages, marriage for money and marriage to hold someone there fore it has no substance...but pastor...what would you say to the Jamaicans who think that a speculative gay minister should not lead a country?
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:35:50 PM)
Only a foolish would marry a man who is not working, doesn't have a trade or in a position to support her. Every woman wants security, she wants a man who can meet her emotional needs. However, the bills have to be paid so don't knock the woman who is using her common sense and is willing to marry a man in a good financial situation. I don't under the last part of your question.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:37:59 PM)
Pastor the high crime rate in Jamaica has affected almost every sector of the society ,what do you think the solution is to this problem .
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:37:59 PM)
The entire country is struggling to find answers to the crime problem. It is not just a problem for the government. The good news is that crime rate have gone down.
---

Question (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:40:56 PM)
I agree that's for the catholic church to settle about priest having sex or marrying...but as a man of God do you think that's what wants, especially seeing that more and more scandals are coming to light where priest have been molesting children, boy for so many years.
Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:40:56 PM)
No one can be happy about what has happened in the Catholic Church. But what every Christian can do is pray for every one involved. Young boys who have been molested are scared for life and would need therapy. Priests who are involved should be brought to justice and in my opinion abused children should be compensated.
---

Tell Me Pastor (ID=5276) (Jul 25, 2002 8:42:23 PM)
It was good to be with you again. I love you, I may never meet you in person, you may not always agree with me but I am still your counsellor. I wish you well, may God bless you, keep you strong and watch over you.
---